Survival

These are paragraphs out of my book, "Surviving and More."

I discovered that I walk in my sleep when I woke up half way out the bedroom window.  One morning I woke up smelling gas and having difficulty breathing.  I went to see if the burners on the stove were on.  Sure enough, the burners were on and the pilot life was out.  When I went to bed the night before, I was having thoughts about turning on the gas.  I figured that I must have done it in my sleep.  I turned the burners off, opened the windows and went for a ride in my car, while apartment was airing out.



Camping, Eric's Cabin

It was getting dark and time to go up the ladder to the loft where we would sleep.  Judy was ahead of me. 

At the bottom of the ladder she remarked, "I don't think I can climb that."

"You can do it." we said, trying to encourage her.

She climbed three steps, looked down and screamed, "I'm scared of heights."

"Don't look down.  Take another step." we suggested.

"AAAAH!  I can't go down either."

She wouldn't let us help her.  I had visions of her standing on that ladder for the rest of her life, becuase she couldn't go up and she couldn't go down.  Eventually, she slept on the loft.  I'm not sure how she did that.

One Person

Always alone
Never sharing
Even as a child
feeling comfortable
in my silence.
My whole being
held secret.

I am sixty six years old,
sitting in my stuffed chair.
Lacking warmth,
Missing laughter,
Hearing no happy words

One Person
Always alone.

Talking Eyes

Severely handicapped,
Stiff and bent
like a twisted tree limb
and a head that tips and wobbles
unable to stand
or use their hands
Their speech seems tangled

And yet
they find ways of reaching out,
whether it be by touch,
a nod or a smile.

Connecting
beautiful people
creating pleasures

When they reach out to you,
if only by their eyes that talk,
don't be afraid.
They like you.

Love My Kitty

She crawls onto my lap,

Nudges my arm with her nose

Begging for strokes of affection.

I scratch her head and

She rolls over

Wanting her belly scratched

When her hunger is satisfied

She walks away.


At the time of her return

I am preoccupied.

I don't notice her

Nudging my arm

and rolling over

She pounces on me

Standing on my chest

She meows at my face

Still, her longings go unnoticed

Oh Well!

Beware

Traveling through the forest
Hunting wild animals
Wolves, Lions and bears.
Bending tree limbs
Tripping on pine cones,
Being impressed by my bravery.

I hear a growling above me
Looking around
I see him, a mountain lion
Ready to pounce.
Clutching my rifle,
I take off running
squashing everything in my path.
Lucky for the lion.
He got away.

Walking along
Thinking I was home free,
I stepped right into a hornets nest.
My body was swollen.
My ego drained.
The possibility of a hornets nest
hadn't occured to me..

All Alone

Needing someone to talk to,

I go to my computer.

I tell it about my personal

struggles, desires and dreams.

My computer doesn't answer me.


In my hole,

People stop by to check on me,

Feeding me with kind words

a few at a time.

I wait anxiously between visits.

Introduction to Surviving and More

This is an introduction to a book I have recently finished.  I welcome any comments.


This is the story of my life which includes a feeling of being different, too tall and too shy.  It includes a mental illness that was dormant until my late teens, early adulthood.  The people involved in my life include, family, girlfriends, boyfriends and people I have met in the mental health community.  This story is about these people and about our relationships.  It is about anger and being annoyed.  It's about people trying to support each, yet sometimes making things worse.

In the mental health community, we have beautiful, good people who have an illness.  I am hoping we can look past our unusual behavior and love who's inside.