Funny?

I'm not trying to be funny.
This is serious stuff.
Like exposing your insides
to the doctor
Who sits across the room
reading the phone bill.
Or group therapy
filled with profound conversation
and questioning,
"Do chickens have lips."

Appearance

Can't get my pants zipped up,
so I let my belly hang out.
Can't afford a hair cut.
My hair long and snarled
My faded shirt exposes my spare tire.
I wonder what people think of me.
I wonder what a lunatic looks like.

Maybe I could get a donation
from my distant relative
who I've been told exists.
Maybe he'd have concern
for his poor starving cousin 
but then he probably thinks
I am lazy and all I want is a bottle of wine.
 ,

Clean and Bright

Like seeing the world
With your first pair of glasses,
Or the end of a long winter
With dirty air 
That made me cough and 
Gasp 

Spring is shining
Clean and bright
Much like the end
of a long depression.

A Simple Trip to Walmart

Anticipating Disaster        Make sure I have
                                     
                            Everything
      Check my purse
I need
Cash,
Debit Card
Driver's License
Cell phone
                                          Do I have my keys?
Check my purse again
                                      Don't forget my glasses      The cane
                                                         The handicapped sign

On my way to Walmart
In this lane,  Am I supposed to turn left?
                                      Swerving to change lanes
                                       In the middle of the intersection
        I discover,
I should have turned left

                                               Suddenly
I forgot the way to Walmart
                                             What if I end up lost


somewhere                                 Never to find my way back.

At Walmart
                   Sitting in my car
I am positive

                         I will Fall
in the parking lot.     or maybe

I won't make it to the bathroom and I will wet my pants in front of all these people.

In the end 
My errand is run.     

Everything's fine.  Nothing went wrong.  No Disaster.

I need to do something about this anxiety.

Nobody Told Me

When I first found out that I had a mental illness, nobody told me what was wrong or what to expect.  The doctors gave me medicine, but didn't tell me what it was supposed to do or what side effects I would live with.

Nobody told me that I would spend the rest of my life alone in fear of other people.  I probably wouldn't marry or have children.  I most likely would not hold a college degree.  I would work on entry level jobs, if I worked at all.

I would be obsessed with thoughts in my head that would nag at me constantly.  I would have difficulty concentrating to read a book, watch TV or  have a simple conversation.  My room would be filled with some kind of fog that seemed to control everything.

I would live with uncomfortable side effects, some of them permanent, that make me look like somethings.wrong.

Shy

Shy is a little word.
Not big,
Not loud,
but timid, 
soft spoken.

Yet it controls
Everything,
Leaving me 
Isolated
Unnoticed
Living in fear
as I sit silently
in my room
all alone