The time has come to jump into the swimming pool.
to climb your first cliff
to fall down.
The time has come to quit
waiting for someone to pick you up.
Big brother says,
I'll give you wheels
a bicycle,
if you promise to take off the training wheels.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Hurtful Words
My words thrown at you ignite
in your hand.
burning like a hot potatoe
that turns into a ball of fire.
You threw them back at me.
My words that weren't meant to hurt
explode in my hand.
I wish could crumble like ashes
and be scattered with the wind.
If I had just thought before
throwing out those words
in the first place.
in your hand.
burning like a hot potatoe
that turns into a ball of fire.
You threw them back at me.
My words that weren't meant to hurt
explode in my hand.
I wish could crumble like ashes
and be scattered with the wind.
If I had just thought before
throwing out those words
in the first place.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Connected in a Dream
I was diagnosed as having bladder cancer after having blood in my urine for several years. At first I didn't believe it was cancer, but after my first biopsy, I accepted it. I had chemotherapy for what seemed like a year. I wasn't difficult. I didn't get sick, because they put it in my bladder. I just wasn't supposed to urinate for two hours after the treatment. One day when I went in the nurse told me that it actually worked on somebody. That didn't make me feel better.
De. Jensen told me that the chemo wasn't working, that I needed surgery to remove my bladder. He said it was a very difficul surgery. I needed to prepare for it. The first thing I did was tell my family. Yvonne from Virginia and Marlene from Idaho, came to be with me.
The day before my surgery they knocked on my door. They wanted to go shopping. I couldn't go so they went and bought me a whole bunch of cloths.
The next day, we arrived at the hospital early in the morning. The anesthesiologist asked me about my previous illness. I had quite a list. Yvonne and Marlene wanted to know what COPD meant. I was embarrassed, because it is caused by smoking. I told them it is a combination of emphysema and chronic bronchitis. The doctor said that my surgery would last 9 hours. Alarmed I asked, "Am I going to live?"
Dr. Jenson came in and poked around my bellly, saying that I may loose my belly button. I thought I could live with that, if I was to live.
The surgery lasted 9 hours. They didn't do it right, so I had to go back into surgery.
I think I was in ICU. For the first two or three weeks, I don't think I was fully conscious. I kept trying to get out of bed and leave, but I had no idea where I was going. I remember the nurse moistening my lips with a tiny sponge. I had seen them do that to my mother when she was dying. I was lying there peacefully when the nurse pulled back my sheet and said, "Oh my!"
The next while was like a bad dream. My friends were talking to me outside my window. Some of them jumped off the roof. My best friend jumped out of the Life Flight Helicopter. When I told my Aunt Maxine that she had sent all my belongings to Arizona, She said, "Do you find that amusing?" The nurse asked me if I was oriented. I thought, "I'f I'm not oriented, how will I know."
I wasn't sure whether or not I was in isolation, but the doctors that came in said they specialized in infectious disease. I figured I must have contacted some kind of infectious disease.
To my surprise, when I tried to move my leg I discovered that I was in restraints. I got scared. I thought if there was a fire I wouldn't be able to get out. I asked the attendant to take off my restraints and she did. I don't know where I thought I was going, but I got out of bed. My legs collapsed. As I fell down I thought I was dying.
Then I heard my sister Jan singing to me. It was so pretty and peaceful. I just laid there listening. I didn't worry about anything.
Jan was in Russia at that time. Her husband was doing volunteer work there for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Jan had been fasting and praying for me. She wanted to see me but thought it was impossible. Then she thought, "Maybe I could call the airline and find out how much it would cost." They told her that since she already had a ticket to Detroit, they could just add on Salt Lake City and there would be no charge.
Back in Utah, I woke up. The nurse said, "Kathy, it's Saturday," The phone rang. It was my sister Yvonne calling to tell me that Jan was on her way to see me. A couple of days later, Jan walked in to my room. It was like a miracle.
De. Jensen told me that the chemo wasn't working, that I needed surgery to remove my bladder. He said it was a very difficul surgery. I needed to prepare for it. The first thing I did was tell my family. Yvonne from Virginia and Marlene from Idaho, came to be with me.
The day before my surgery they knocked on my door. They wanted to go shopping. I couldn't go so they went and bought me a whole bunch of cloths.
The next day, we arrived at the hospital early in the morning. The anesthesiologist asked me about my previous illness. I had quite a list. Yvonne and Marlene wanted to know what COPD meant. I was embarrassed, because it is caused by smoking. I told them it is a combination of emphysema and chronic bronchitis. The doctor said that my surgery would last 9 hours. Alarmed I asked, "Am I going to live?"
Dr. Jenson came in and poked around my bellly, saying that I may loose my belly button. I thought I could live with that, if I was to live.
The surgery lasted 9 hours. They didn't do it right, so I had to go back into surgery.
I think I was in ICU. For the first two or three weeks, I don't think I was fully conscious. I kept trying to get out of bed and leave, but I had no idea where I was going. I remember the nurse moistening my lips with a tiny sponge. I had seen them do that to my mother when she was dying. I was lying there peacefully when the nurse pulled back my sheet and said, "Oh my!"
The next while was like a bad dream. My friends were talking to me outside my window. Some of them jumped off the roof. My best friend jumped out of the Life Flight Helicopter. When I told my Aunt Maxine that she had sent all my belongings to Arizona, She said, "Do you find that amusing?" The nurse asked me if I was oriented. I thought, "I'f I'm not oriented, how will I know."
I wasn't sure whether or not I was in isolation, but the doctors that came in said they specialized in infectious disease. I figured I must have contacted some kind of infectious disease.
To my surprise, when I tried to move my leg I discovered that I was in restraints. I got scared. I thought if there was a fire I wouldn't be able to get out. I asked the attendant to take off my restraints and she did. I don't know where I thought I was going, but I got out of bed. My legs collapsed. As I fell down I thought I was dying.
Then I heard my sister Jan singing to me. It was so pretty and peaceful. I just laid there listening. I didn't worry about anything.
Jan was in Russia at that time. Her husband was doing volunteer work there for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Jan had been fasting and praying for me. She wanted to see me but thought it was impossible. Then she thought, "Maybe I could call the airline and find out how much it would cost." They told her that since she already had a ticket to Detroit, they could just add on Salt Lake City and there would be no charge.
Back in Utah, I woke up. The nurse said, "Kathy, it's Saturday," The phone rang. It was my sister Yvonne calling to tell me that Jan was on her way to see me. A couple of days later, Jan walked in to my room. It was like a miracle.
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