Numb

Moving around,
walking, breathing, feeling
Nothing.
Trying to hurt
To show that I am real.
Open eyed, yet
asleep, wandering.
That's why
I watch sad movies,
write sad poems
and have done horrible things.
I need to be real.
I need to feel.

Today at Table 6

I wonder what Jay is thinking about.  He is obviously thinking very intensely.  Every once in a while, he giggles, shaking the table like an earthquake.  I mistake his solemn stare as an opinion of something I just said.  Then I realize that he doesn't hear my conversation.

Faye, must not feel well.  She didn't show up for supper.

Rueben is making a joke in his broken English.  Being from El Salvador, he speaks with an accent.  Actually he speaks pretty good English.  When he is asked what he wants to drink, he answers "Tequila and a gallon of milk."

For the last couple of days, Felix hasn't been feeling well.  When I pointed that out to Judy, she reminded me that he put a bunch of sugar on his fruit salad during lunch.  That was an act of rebillion against his diabetes. Tonight, he was asleep in his chair.

Judy was trying to be pleasant, but is annoyed at someone who talked about her behind her back.  She is also annoyed that during Karaoke, people liked someone else's singing.  I get thoughts like that sometimes, but I usually keep them to myself.  We all want to be the best, right?  Judy has had a lot of praise for her imitations of Elvis and she's afraid that someone will steal her glory.  I tried to explain to her that because she is good, doesn't mean that nobody else can be good also.

That was the aciion at table 6 this evening.  As usual, we were served last, which continues to teach us patients.

Stop it!

Your secrets are showing,

Like a slip at church,

That hangs below your skirt.

It's not the same thing.

I can live with embarrassment.

This is my life.

Because my life is important.

I choose what I show

No one can remember

What they never knew.