Energy in my mind
Pulsating, throbbing,
Pounding on me.
I am a piñata.
I burst when pounded on
And everything inside of me
Is scattered.
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Cannot put Kathy together again.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Judy's World
I can't stand it.
It's too horrible.
I can't handle fear, rejection and pain
I have to be smart, pretty and successful.
Otherwise I can't even exist.
I'm not really who you think I am.
I have a secret sister.
She's a movie star.
One of these days she's coming to get me
To take me back home to California
to live in our mansion
in luxury and sunshine
for the rest of my life.
It's too horrible.
I can't handle fear, rejection and pain
I have to be smart, pretty and successful.
Otherwise I can't even exist.
I'm not really who you think I am.
I have a secret sister.
She's a movie star.
One of these days she's coming to get me
To take me back home to California
to live in our mansion
in luxury and sunshine
for the rest of my life.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
About Budget Cuts
I have lived with mental illness for most of my life. As I have struggled, I am lucky to have lived as long as I have.
The public has been concerned about recent acts of violence, even the killing little children. The assailants were not in the mental health system, but they probably should have been.
Mental Illness is not going away, but it is treatable. The treatment needs to be available for the people who dream up these horrible tragedies before they happen. It is hard for young people to admit they have a problem. It is even harder for them to ask for help. Turning them away doesn't help anything.
There used to be a place in Midvale called ITU. It was a residential and crisis center. A lot of people went there usually because they were severely troubled. One evening when I was hanging around ITU, I noticed a young girl. She was about twenty years old, with long brown hair, very pretty. She was trying to tell everyone that she wanted to die. The crisis worker thought that she wanted constant attention and believed that ignoring her would be therapeutic. I looked out the window and noticed that she was walking away. I told a crisis worker, he said, "Let her go." The next morning we found out that she had gone to a friends home, borrowed a gun and killed herself.
When we make cuts to mental health and close programs, we are saying, "Let them go."
This is not a good time to cut funding for mental health. Are we more concerned about money than we are people?
The public has been concerned about recent acts of violence, even the killing little children. The assailants were not in the mental health system, but they probably should have been.
Mental Illness is not going away, but it is treatable. The treatment needs to be available for the people who dream up these horrible tragedies before they happen. It is hard for young people to admit they have a problem. It is even harder for them to ask for help. Turning them away doesn't help anything.
There used to be a place in Midvale called ITU. It was a residential and crisis center. A lot of people went there usually because they were severely troubled. One evening when I was hanging around ITU, I noticed a young girl. She was about twenty years old, with long brown hair, very pretty. She was trying to tell everyone that she wanted to die. The crisis worker thought that she wanted constant attention and believed that ignoring her would be therapeutic. I looked out the window and noticed that she was walking away. I told a crisis worker, he said, "Let her go." The next morning we found out that she had gone to a friends home, borrowed a gun and killed herself.
When we make cuts to mental health and close programs, we are saying, "Let them go."
This is not a good time to cut funding for mental health. Are we more concerned about money than we are people?
Monday, July 15, 2013
Beauty
Some paragraphs from my book
While in the nursing home, I used to go to the morning exercise group. Most of the people there were severely disabled with crooked legs and arms and wobbly heads, yet they reached out. Lin, a young lady who looked oriental wasn't able to talk very well. She used to tease one of the aides saying, "Ahdy Fyuh" (Andy Fired.) She then laughed mischeiviously.
A young man took a liking to me. He was brain damaged and in a wheelchair. Every time I walked in the room, he get excited and waved. These peole will probably be there the rest of their lives, yet they laughed and teased and got excited to see someone who they liked They create their own pleasures.
I see a lot of beauty now that I'm able to notice. When we think of beauty we think of nature, mountains and flowers. I see beauty in people looking out for each other, to make life better. I'm thinking about the person who stops to help when your car is stuck in an intersection. I am also thinking about severely handcapped people reaching out to each other and laughing.
I am so thankful for the people who work in mental health and I am so thankful for the people who did research and discovered Chlozaril.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Query Letter
SURVIVING IN SPITE OF MYSELF is my 50,000 word account of my own mental illnesss and that of others. It takes place in the 1970's through the early 1990's. It starts in Salt Lake City, Utah. Goes toVentura, California, then back to Salt Lake City.
Entering a room with a red tile floor, I see a table, chairs a pool table and some people gathered around. This is part of a mental health center in Utah. The room was filled with smoke. People visiting, laughing, arguing. Some were sitting quietly. A couple of guys were playing pool. In the middle of this chaos, someone yells, "Beam up their intestines! Do it Zorro!
I have lived more than half of my life as a consumer of mental health services. We mentally ill people seem to have our own community. This is a true story about our struggles and our relationships. Its about being treated like sadistic freaks who people need to fear. It's about people trying to support each other and watching as some of our friends lose their battles. It is about breakthroughs in psychiatric medicine that has changed peoples lives miraculously.
This account visits hospitals, crisis centers, emergency room and residential treatment centers. It provides first hand insight into different kinds of mental illness and their manifestation. It includes many crisis situations and resolutions. As you read you will meet some of us individually. Take a look. We're not too frightening.
I have been certified as a mental health case manager and a peer mentor. I led a writing group and edited a newsletter for Valley Mental Health, in Salt Lake City, Utah. I have attended several writing classes. The Utah Association of Personal Histories has published one of my stories in their book, "One World, Many Stories." I attended their Fall conferance. NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill.) published one of my poems in their literary booklet., "Voices of the Mentally Ill."
I received an award from Valley Mental Health for my "Insperational Recover.) in the year 2011
With you aurthorization, I will gladly send you a copy of my manuscript.
Entering a room with a red tile floor, I see a table, chairs a pool table and some people gathered around. This is part of a mental health center in Utah. The room was filled with smoke. People visiting, laughing, arguing. Some were sitting quietly. A couple of guys were playing pool. In the middle of this chaos, someone yells, "Beam up their intestines! Do it Zorro!
I have lived more than half of my life as a consumer of mental health services. We mentally ill people seem to have our own community. This is a true story about our struggles and our relationships. Its about being treated like sadistic freaks who people need to fear. It's about people trying to support each other and watching as some of our friends lose their battles. It is about breakthroughs in psychiatric medicine that has changed peoples lives miraculously.
This account visits hospitals, crisis centers, emergency room and residential treatment centers. It provides first hand insight into different kinds of mental illness and their manifestation. It includes many crisis situations and resolutions. As you read you will meet some of us individually. Take a look. We're not too frightening.
I have been certified as a mental health case manager and a peer mentor. I led a writing group and edited a newsletter for Valley Mental Health, in Salt Lake City, Utah. I have attended several writing classes. The Utah Association of Personal Histories has published one of my stories in their book, "One World, Many Stories." I attended their Fall conferance. NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill.) published one of my poems in their literary booklet., "Voices of the Mentally Ill."
I received an award from Valley Mental Health for my "Insperational Recover.) in the year 2011
With you aurthorization, I will gladly send you a copy of my manuscript.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Mood Swings
I'm sorry.
It's hard for me to listen.
I feel flat and tired.
I look towards religion.
by going to Sunday School.
The meeting hadn't started.
People stood in a row
shaking hands.
looking down at the ground,
I burst into laughter.
She stood shaking hands with
the priesthood men.
Her pany hose fallen,
crinkled around her ankles.
Now, How am I supposed to be depressed?
It's hard for me to listen.
I feel flat and tired.
I look towards religion.
by going to Sunday School.
The meeting hadn't started.
People stood in a row
shaking hands.
looking down at the ground,
I burst into laughter.
She stood shaking hands with
the priesthood men.
Her pany hose fallen,
crinkled around her ankles.
Now, How am I supposed to be depressed?
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