Socializing

I grew up thinking I was
the least talkative,
the most bashful and shy
to the extreme.

When I shared that
the response was that
many people feel the same way.

Surprisingly,
some people who I thought
were gregarious socialites
thought they had no friends.
They too thought they were shy.

Could it be that I am really outgoing.

A Single Cell

I started out as a single cell from my mother,
joined with a single cell from my father.
The cells held genes that make me uniquely me.
I have always wondered why I am me.
I have some talents and some xhortcomings.
Why didn't I ever marry
or have children?
Why was I born with tendancies
to physical and mental illness.
Did my spirit choose my body, my genes
If I had a chance to choose
to be someone else.
Honestly,
I think I would like that.

Surviving the River

We had been taken by the current down the river.
My friend grabbed my arm.
In fear she hung on tight,
so tight it hurt. I let her hang on.
The water was cold and fast.
The boulders rumbled as they
bumped together.
She kept hanging on..

Being weak and tired
I knew that if she continued
to hang on to me,
we would both be taken downstream,
Never to return.
I could have pryed her loose
to save myself,
but I wanted her to be safe also...

I would teach her to stay afloat
by herself.
Then we could each save ourselves.

Hi!

Hi! I'm schizophrenic.  Glad to meet you.  I'm depressed.  My friend is a borderline personality.  I'd like you to meet anxiety.  He's hyperactuve.  Well, what about me? I'm agoraphobic.
I am diabetic, meet cancer and heart disease.

Now that you've met all my personalities let's end with cardiac arrest..

Offending Men

Sometimes I say the wrong thing.  I can think of three separate times when an innocent remark ended a relationship.

After breaking up with my fiance, Derek, a gur named Ricky took a liking to me.  He was cute and nice.  Being on the rebound, I couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself.  All my thoughts were about Derek.

Ricky was interesting.  He told me that his mother had been married seven times.  I don't know how many children she had.  With a background like that, I questioned Ricky's ability to have a relationship.  He told me that he was on psychiatric medicine.  I knew absolutely nothing about mental illness.  He asked me if I took anything.  When I was twenty I went to the doctor and told him I was nervous.  He gave me some little green pills.  That particular doctor lost his liscinse to practice medicine, because he wrote perscriptions to drug addicts.  Ricky said they may have been haldol.  I only tried them once.  Nothing happened.

Ricky took me to meet his brothers and sisters.  His brother had been experimenting with drugs.  He said he was on heroin.

I was living with my aunt and uncle, Royal and Maxine.  He came to their house to pick me up.  Whenever a guy would come there to pick me up for a date,  Maxine and Royal would interrogate him.  The usaually asked them about their last name, their relatives, where they worked, and their education.  Ricky told them that his mother was married seven times.  That was interesting enough that they didn't ask any more questions.

After picking me up, we drove around.  We ended up behind the capitol on Lovers Lane.  It seems like every city has a Lovers Lane.  The Salt Lake valley is especially beautiful when it is lit up.  Ricky asked me,
What are you thinking about?"I replied, "Derek".

Ricky didn't say a word.  He started up the car and drove me home as fast as he could.  I never heard from him again.

Holding up the Wall

When I was a little girl
at school, during recess,
I wandered around the asphalt playground
covered with litter.
As I was bouncing my ball
I felt conspicuosly alone.

I noticed a little girl, very pretty
leaning against the wall.
She looked as lonely as I felt.

I walked up to her
and said "Hi!"
She didn't answer me.
I thought we could be lonely together.
so I leaned against the wall
by her side.

Two lonely children
Holding up the wall.

Journey

I have holes in my shoes
not from age
but from walking and walking for so long
My clothes are tattered
My skin is red.
I am worn and gaunt
I feel like I won't reach my destination.
I cry for help
and I wait a long time
I look up and see people
concerned and awed at what they see.
They scramble around
trying to figure out how to revive me.
After some nourishment
and kind words
I slowly regain my strength
and I am on my way to try again.