Suicide

Suicidal ideation is a difficult problem for people who have a mental illness.  I have struggled with it for most of my life.  Looking back, I am amazed that I have survived.  I fear dying in that way.

Death is final.  Once it's done people can't change their minds and come back.  We don't know where they are or what they are doing or if they even exist.  We know that we miss them and are distraught with the reality of suicide.  Before taking a risk, they need to think about people who they are leaving, who they may never see again in this life.  For the people who love us it brings an agony, that doesn't go away.  I'm still greiving the death of my friend, who died in 1989.

Henry's story touches my heart.  Henry was an electrician.  While hooking up electrical wires in a house.  He made a mistake that cost him his electrician's license.  When he came to ITU, he was very depressed.  He felt like a failure who couldn't provide for his family.

He arrived at ITU in September.  It was hard to watch him deteriorate.  In November he was so depressed that I thought he would be hospitalized.  He wasn't. At Christmas, he went home a pass to spend the holidays with his family.  On Christmas Day, he shot himself in front of his family.

The following summer, I was attending a group at the out patient clinic.  A young man was talking about hia father shooting himself in front of him on Christmas Day. 
I asked, "Was your father's name Henry?" 

He shook his head, "Yes."

I wanted  so badly to say someting that would ease this young man's pain.  I told him that I knew his father at ITU.  He was a good man, but he was severly depressed.  I felt horribly inadequate in this situation.  The youn man asked me to be his friend.  I was honored.  The last time I saw him, he said that he had joined the army.  I sure hope he is OK.