Having Babies

If I had a baby,
what would it look like?
Boy or girl,
light hair or dark hair.
Would it look like me?
What would I name it?

I have wondered these things
since I was 11 years old.
I didn't understand
how the baby would
grow in it's mother's belly.
I thought that Heavenly Father put it there
when a woman got married.

I am in my sixties.
I have a womb
that has always been empty.
I could feel bad for never having
the experience of giving birth,
but when I look back on my life,
clouded by mental illness.
I couldn't raise a baby.
It wouldn't be fair
to the innocent child.