Having Babies

If I had a baby,
what would it look like?
Boy or girl,
light hair, dark hair
no hair.
Would it look like me?
What would I name it?

I have wondered these things
since I was eleven years old.
I couldn't understand how
the baby would grow in it's mother's belly.
I thought that heavenly father put it there.

I am in my sixties
I have a womb
that has always been empty.

I could feel bad
for never having the experience
of giving birth,
but when I look back on my life,
clouded by mental illness
I know that I couldn't raise a baby.
I would not be fair for the innocent child.