On Dad's Lap

I knew Dad was home,
when I smelled popcorn popping.
I loved it when my dad came home.
He came home every Friday
after driving truck all week.

I would sit on his lap
and eat popcorn,
while watching the fights
on TV.

I would get so excited
that I would get physically sick,
but it was worth it to be
with my dad.

Listen To The Sea

My car was parked on a cliff
above the sea
The sound of the
White foam capped waves
Crashing against steep black rocks,
Made me feel peaceful and calm.
I woud lean my head back,
Breathe deep
And listen to the sea

I no longer live by the beach.
So, when I need to relax
I just pretend,
and I am there again.

My friend Judy

I haven't talked to my family very much about Judy.  Partly because of the way she looks.  Single women are often mistaken for being homosexual anyway.

She gets kind of moody and doesn't make sense sometimes, making it hard to be around her.  Her family is afraid that she will want to live with them.

I met Judy in 1979 at a day treatment program through mental health.  Everyday when she saw me she would ask, "Kathy, how's Sam?" Sam was our families cat.  Sam disappeared after my parents put out rat poison.  "When I saw Judy she asked, "How's Sam?"  I told her that Sam was gone and that I didn't want to talk about him anymore.
She understood.

I had planned to go to the movies with my friend Melva, but Melva changed her mind.  Judy was standing there, so I asked her to go.  She was thrilled.  After that, Judy followed me everywhere I went.  We talked about things like Howdy Doody, The Mickey Mouse Club and 50's TV shows, like Hop a Long Cassidy and the Lone Ranger.

I never dreamed we would end up rooming together.  During the 1980's I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals and the halfway house.  During all that I moved in with the two Judys, Judy Mangum and Judy Fleming.  It was very hectic and confusing.

After my second visit to the State Hospital, I moved in with Barrie Fleming, Judy's little sister.  She lived with me for a while, then moved in with her boyfriend.  At about the same time Judy Fleming got pregnant and was sent to the State Hospital.  Judy Mangum and I moved in together.

We had some rocky times.  I ended up back in the State Hospital.  After I got out I went to live with Judy.  Neither one of us was doing very well.

I decided to get my own apartment.  Mom told me not to ever let Judy spend the night, because she would never leave.  Mom was right.  An overnight stay lasted 17 years.

When I got cancer, I could no longer take care of Judy.  She now lives at the Golden Living Center.

Judy has a family that visits her once or twice a year.  Other than that, she has no one but me.

I can't abandon her.

Back Yard

Under the smooth, warm sunshine.
of my lazy green back yard,
the grass brushed by the wind
shivers across my ears,
whispering soft calm.

An ant living there
hikes among among
it forest green blades,
crawls over damp sticks,
runs to survive the earthquake
I just made

Happy Anniversary Bill and Joan

I was sleeping when I heard a familiar voice in the living room.  I got excited because I knew it was my big brother Bill coming home from the army.

I told everyone in my sixth grade class about my brother coming home.  I was wearing a pretty necklace he had given me.  I felt terrible when it broke.

My memories of Bill were filled with him chasing me and teasing me.  He helped me with my animals, bandaging Harvey, the dog's leg and helping my cat have kittens.  He was always working on his car.  He let me ride in it once.

I don't remember how long Bill stayed with us after the army.  I do know that he went from there to Provo, Utah to attend BYU.

He sent us a letter telling us that he had found a girl that he wanted to marry.  After about a month, we got another letter saying that he had found another girl he wanted to marry.  This girl was beautiful and sophisticated.  She was 5'9".  He never told us what happened to the other girl he wanted to marry.  He seemed to think that he had found the perfect mate.

I came home from school one day and there they were.  Bill had his arms around Joan.  They were standing in the hall.  Being struck by her beauty, I ran straight to the phone to call my friend.  She answered the phone and I blurted, "She's pretty!"

From the moment I saw her, I idolized her.  She became my hero.  I wanted to be just like her.  As a teenager, I got to know her.  She was very easy to talk to and seemed interested.  By the time I grew up, she became like another sister except special because she was an in law.

Joe Blow

He was bald on top, but had long grey hair on the sides. His long grey beard had pieces of lunch in it. He found it difficult to walk down the hallway to the emergency room. The floors seemed to wave and his legs didn't want to carry him.

The clerk, Mandy, working at the desk grabbed his arm and helped him into the chair. She asked him his name. "Whatcha say?" he asked. "What's your name?" "Joe." he replied. "Joe Blow." "Oh, C'mon. What's your real name?" "That is my real name." he replied.

"You need a picture ID and an insurance card." "Don't have either one." he announced. "What about Medicare? Do you have a Medicare card?" "I'm not that old. I'm only 59. I don't have Medicare." "What's your address?" I don't exactly have an address. I sleep under the bridge." "I have to check with my supervisor."

Mandy went to her supervisor Mr. Kirby. He grumbled, "Is this some kind of a joke? Does he really think we believe him? Go back and get the truth out of him." Walking in the office Mandy said, "Joe Blow, you don't have any ID. You don't have and insurance card or address. Your not making this easy." "What are you going to do about it.?"

Mr. Kirby heard the conversation and barged in. "You're not funny. This is a hospital. You need us, but we help you if you don't cooperate. This is serious."  The old man yelled back "I'll show you what's serious.  I'll knock your block off."  Mr Kirby called security."  "I feel dizzy." The old man complained.  "I guess we should call the nursing supervisor." said Mr. Kirby.

Soon in the room was Mandy, Mr. Kirby, the nursing supervisor, two security officers and Mr. Joe Blow.  They all started talking at once saying that he would not identify himself or give an address.  One of the security gaurds offered to show him to the door.  "You can't do that." the nurse exclaimed.  We don't even know what's wrong with him.  He's probably sick." "What's wrong with him is that he is an onry old man."  Mr. kirby said.  When the nurse put the blood pressure cuff on him, the old man collapsed.  They grabbed a gurney and rushed him into the emergency room.  They tried to revive him, but were unable.

DNA testing showed that he was a transcient named Joseph Blough.

Mom

I thought I could write about my mom, but when I think about her, how much she loved me,the things I put her through, the times I angered her, dissappointed her and worried her. No matter how horrid or sad it was. She was always there for me.

In her hospital bed, after her stroke, she couldn't move anything except her right arm and hand, and her eyes. She held on to my hand so tight to let me know that she knew I was there.

Oh Mom, I love you. I didn't want you to leave me. At the same time, I couldn't stand to see you lying there trapped in a body that didn't work.

Your physical body left me. but your spirit will always be by my side.